i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
