You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
