i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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