I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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