Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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