Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
