apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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