The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
