Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
