you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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