I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
