I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
