i will never coherently bang her
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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