I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
