Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
