Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
