I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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