that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
