My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
