dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
