He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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