I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
