Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just tell him i said nine months
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
