I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
