i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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