I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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