I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
