..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
