Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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