I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize
