u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
