party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
