Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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