Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
