I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
