did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
