dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
