Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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