shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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