so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
