I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
