Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
