we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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