the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
