Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
