She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
