The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
