i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
