hell yes lets make some ravioli
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
