I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
