allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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