Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
