she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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