guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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