Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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