He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
