wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
