So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
