i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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