I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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