just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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