I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
