just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
