If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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